Sinking
by SibunaMockingjay
Summary: I'm drowning. And there's nobody that can help me. It all started 9 months ago and is going to end today. Rated T for self harm, suicidal thoughts and depression. I don't own HoA or anything, just the plot. R&R
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hello again fellow Sibuna's! I'm here with a oneshot about an Anubis resident. Rated T for depression, suicidal thoughts and possible self harm triggers. For some reason, I can't seem to leave these themes alone...

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

Ever have that feeling that you're drowning and nobody could possibly save you from suffocating in your own pain? Ever have that feeling that nobody could save you because you are beyond repair? Ever have that feeling that you just want to go to sleep and never wake up?

That's me every day.

9 months ago, I lost my best friend. She moved away and I never heard from her again. She was my cause of happiness.

8 months ago, my grades began to funny thing is that I wasn't even bothered...

7 months ago I stopped fighting for Sibuna because that was why I lost her.

6 months ago, I was cruelly captured as a sinner.

5 months ago, I began to hear voices. Not Sibuna related but ones that I nonetheless listened to and believed. I mean, I am worthless and I don't deserve to be happy.

4 months ago, I began to notice scars appearing on my arms. Ones that I put there.

3 months ago, I began to have sleeping issues and I began to wish that I would go to sleep. Forever.

2 months ago, I stopped caring. I began cutting myself off from the world. I mean who would want to know a freak like me?

1 month ago, my other best friend left me.

And that brings us nicely on to the end of the timeline. Today. Where I Fabian Michael Rutter, finally die.

 **A/N: So what do ya think? I'm going to post one more chapter on this as soon as I can... When did you** **all realise it was Fabian that I was talking about? Anyways, can you pleasego check out the latest chapter of KLMN squad which has no reviews as of now!**

 **Love**

 **~SibunaMockingjay**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm back! Rated T for suicide, self harm etc. I hope you all enjoy the next and final installment to Sinking. Please review!**

 **Fabian's POV**

 _Today's the day, where I, Fabian Michael Rutter, finally die._

I pull up my beige satchel and lay in on the bedside cabinet. This is it now. But first I pull out a pad of writing paper. As much as the world has made me suffer, I can't go without explanation. I mean nobody knows.

 _Dear All,_

 _First of all, I'd like to say I'm sorry. I'm also sorry to whoever found my body._

 _I felt it would be a bit mean to leave without an explanation:_

 _First of all, Nina left. I know that might seem old but I guess I never really got over her. She was my love, my light and my sole purpose. When she left and broke off all contact, I was broken. I tried to stay strong but I couldn't. That's when I began hearing voices telling me that I was worthless and I deserve all this. And I believe it. I began cutting and slowly lost hope. But Amber was there and kept me going when I had no strength._

 _Then she left too._

 _And I don't blame her._

 _Mick: Goodbye, buddy. Have fun in Australia. Make sure you never leave Joy alone, she deserves a great guy like you._

 _Mara: I love you Mara (just as a friend, I think that we both know that the whole boyfriend/girlfriend situation didn't work out.)_

 _Jerome: Make sure you never leave Mara! We always used to argue but I will miss you, Stutter Rutter._

 _Alfie: You always made me laugh and I'm glad for you. Never leave Amber._

 _Eddie: Goodbye Eddie, I'll miss you. Please look after Nina, you are after all, her Osirion. I'm glad you got your powers back. Look after Patricia too._

 _Patricia: I'll miss you a lot. You were there from the beginning of school till the end. I mwill miss hanging out with you and Joy and I iwll also miss Sibuna. Goodbye Trixie._

 _Joy: I will miss you more than you know. We were very close friends and I love you. But as a sister. I wish you were still there for me._

 _Willow: You're a beautiful person Willow. Never stop spreading your good vibes- youll never know who'll they'll cheer up._

 _KT: Bye KT, I didn't know you long but I'm glad I had the chance to meet you. I love you._

 _Amber: You were my sister. I love you and I'll miss you and your frequent blonde moments. Good luck with your fashion and help Nina through this. I'm really going to miss you Ambs._

 _Nina: Ok, this is the hardest one to write. Nina, you are my soulmate. I have never loved anyone else like I loved you. I'll be waiting for you at the other end. Please don't be too upset. I won't be mad if you get another boyfriend- I just want you to be happy. I love you Nina Martin._

 _Love Always,_

 _Fabian Rutter_

With that done, I feel like I can move onto the next life without leaving any loose ends. Now it's time. I play a song that I wrote for Nina and unscrew the cap of the bottle of pills.

'1,2,3' I say before throwing the whole contents into my mouth. And then I let the darkness embrace me.

-LINE BREAK-

30 mins later

 **Patricia's POV**

Weasel and are going on a date. I put on my makeup and head down to the Doofs room. I knock and enter.

I see Fabian lying on the bed flat on his back. Asleep probably. But there's something about the whole thing that's haunting me. I notice how still his body looks. And then I see a note on the side of the bed. My eyes scan across the letter and I gasp and stumble backwards. I give a loud scream.

'Patricia! What's up?!' says Eddie's voice. He knows I won't scream unless there really is something wrong.

Fabian.

Unable to speak I point at the bed. By now, everyone's here. Trudy runs to the phone and calls the paramedics. But I know that it's too late.

'What happened?!' yells Victor

Fabian Rutter killed himself. Why? Why?!

To make matters worse, a certain dirty blonde haired girl pushes her way through the crowd and gasps when she sees the paramedics lifting her ex's body out of his room. She screams and runs after him. But it's no use. He's gone.

 **Nina's POV**

It's all my fault. If I hadn't of left, he would still be here. We are sat in the hospital waiting area and have just been told that his death has been confirmed. That's it now. He isn't coming back.

We soberly head back to the house and everyone sits down in the living room together. Nobody particularly wants to go to the room where Fabian took his life.

Trudy comes in and gives me a hug and offers me some food.

'I know it's probably not the best thing to offer, but you must be hungry,' she says

I don't even have the strength to reply so Trudy takes me upstairs to my old room. Once there, I sit on the bare mattress and she hands me a piece of paper in the familiar font.

 _Fabian._

I begin to read the letter.

 _First of all, Nina left._

 _I know that might seem old but I guess I never really got over her. She was my love, my light and my sole purpose._

I gasp and the tears begin to run fast, staining the paper.

 _When she left and broke off all contact, I was broken._

He was broken. And it's all my fault. He even says so.

 _I tried to stay strong but I couldn't. That's when I began hearing voices telling me that I was worthless and I deserve all this. And I believe it. I began cutting and slowly lost hope._

I sob louder. He was cutting and I didn't even know! I'm the worthless one, not him!

I then move on to my personal message that he left.

 _Nina: Ok, this is the hardest one to write._

Yeah, what do you say to your ex that left you to inflict pain on yourself and then die so horrifically?

 _Nina, you are my soulmate._ _I have never loved anyone else like I loved you._

Tears are blurring my vision.

 _I'll be waiting for you at the other end._

He still wants me.

 _Please don't be too upset. I won't be mad if you get another boyfriend- I just want you to be happy._

 _I love you Nina Martin._

To be happy, I need to be with him. There's only one possible way, and he said he's waiting.

I grab some paper and simply write

'When someone you love is in heaven, then heaven is your home,'

I lie down and empty the contents of my pill bottle and swallow them.

I think it takes a few minuted before my eyelids feel heavy and I can see _him._ I don't hesitate to run into his arms.

We're united, but not in the way we would have ever guessed.

 **A/N: So there it is! The final installment to Sinking! Please review and let me know what you thought. If anyone wants to ask any questions, review or PM me.**

 **~SibunaMockingjay**


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